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Chen-Chi Hwang ¬

Intern at Amazon | CMU SCS '27

Daily Journal

Short-form thoughts and updates

finished:

spent a while just reorganizing obsidian notes to get focused uploaded who im willing to kill

to-do list

figured out what i need to do the rest of break to fully catch up

  • calc study more prob

journal

saw the homie sungah yesterday, it was pr fun. im gonna need to lock in hella today. starting the grind at 1 pm today.

i woke up at around 1030 and rotted teh mornign away which was lowk so bad. also reorganizing journal and sending out who im willing to kill on the blog today to thoroughly convince myself

also pausing exploration + talking to ppl for the break for teh sole goal of catching up over the break

finished:

study 281

  • finish 281 pset

to-do list

  • calc study more prob

explore:

  • rewatch zoom video on xr for disabiltiies
  • openai CLIP talk to:

journal

uh mid day not very productive sleepy will see the homie sungah tmrw gotta wake up early for her so i shuold sleep asap, will write everything up tmrw!

finished:

realized i shuldn’t apply to MATS do groceries

explored :

  • less wrong blog
  • learned i subscribe to reality tunnel theory
  • micro read neutrality blog
    • it has a big ifykyk type vibe - i wonder how i feel about it
  • the mountain is you (3 pages)
  • wrote up “who im willing to kill” blog talked to (new) :
    krish + cathy

to-do list

study 281 + calc study more prob

explore:

  • rewatch zoom video on xr for disabiltiies
  • openai CLIP

journal

finished:

studied a little bit of prob kinda finished the prob pset

to-do list

apply to MATS

explored : talked to :

journal

finished:

explored :

  • went to mma club did sparring for an hour,
    • learned:
      • most important to judge distance and dodge leg kicks if possible
      • else, check leg kicks by learning into it
      • else bring it up and check if hitting the side.
    • i wanted to get more technical, feeling out when they do what, countering better
    • i think im super bad at reading movements, idk where to look + i also get super scared of punches.

did laundry

talked to : bryson + hadrion (getting lunch with hadrion soon )

did not do’s:
  • any fking schoolwork i was tired as hell..

to-do list

  • study 10 chapters of prob

journal

no gym today, also want to invest more time into MMA, i think i get a lot of fulfillment outta it. super hard stuff willing to spend way more time and get good at it. its like a game but irl LMFAO. im tryna climb the academic and physical ladder.

i need to cut my bangs for mma, thats how hard i want to all in

worked myself physcially, but not mentally. even when i go this hard its still pr hard to go to sleep early.

woke up late, but im tryna regain back my life.

went to sleep late, idk what i was doing… genuinely dk how to fix this part of me…

finished:

explored :

  • babu pillai talk on systems
  • noam brown on open ai reasoning
    • didnt learn that much but learned about more compute used on the inference side
  • talk given by phd student that justin invited about subquadratic time RNN / LSTM like models that replicate self attention without non-linearity

gym - hit legs

  • talked to nav while doing so

need to write out message to landlords

compiled list of all need-to-dos, missed work, and what to research

to-do list

talked to :

journal

i think i got super frustrated near the end of today. i was def sleepy which effected cognition heavily but it was super hard for me to understand the phd guy’s talk. like i dont even understand transformers idk why i thought i would be able to keep up. we came in late too, but yeah i just didnt understand shit. anthony came in late too but he understood a lot more…

i didnt realize how far ahead that guy is pushing.

its like yeah, he’s taking relatively the same courses as me … we go to the same school …

man wtf . how is he so ahead… know so much more… wtf. its so piss frustrating to me like i feel so behind.

thats just what i felt so hard today. man i feel like im locking in wayyy too late. its too frustrating . its so on me but its so frustrating.

additionally: i think much of my frustration comes from not feeling part of the group. i wasnt told abt the talk today. wasnt told abt Apricity. not in the slack. im here by circumstance, i didnt seek it out. i dont have mutuals that can vet me, saying that im legit or that i wanna be here. i wasn’t invited.

which is fine that is not the worst thing. but it just makes me feel so stupid i think. like too dumb to even think of inviting. i mean they not wrong but i still wanna learn regardless. its so sad feeling this way …

man im glad i wrote this out, its actually quite frustrating. i think im pissed. but like also i dont wanna just step away and say that im not interested in this shit. im not willing to accept im a bitch like that. guess i just harness that feeling and push thru but it feels so bad rn bro so bad. fk .

im reading more of the mountain is you before i sleep.

finished:

finish 251 CYU + pset 251 written session 9 nap

to-do list

what i can do rest of today:

finish 251 CYU + pset nap

didn’t do (left for tmrw):

need to write out message to landlords go out take a walk gym - hit legs

need to review missed 251 lecture, 281 lecture

explored : the mountain is you, i wanna read through this and finish it quickly if possible talked to : lets actually talk to someone today…

journal

wrote up a list of games i wanna play

uh rly tired throughout today but i forced myself up, goign to sleep tired so thats super good

regained a bit of agency again which is super important to me. hard day, hard work. wanna work super hard through this break. wanna work hard thru these last couple of days.

going to sleep was super hard need to work out harder so i can pass out easier

finished:

study 251

  • recitatoin notes

most of the problems + CYU, finishing write up tmrw

to-do list

what i can do rest of today:

finish 251 CYU + pset gym haircut need to write out message to landlords

need to review missed 251 lecture, 281 lecture

explored : 3blu1 brown transformer video talked to :

maybe what i can get to :

review prob

journal

planning to work hard today, no griefage at all and then go to sleep on time and wake up tmrw maybe later if need, adn hten tmrw blast my legs nad hit them hard, and then go to sleep on time wed. and then thurs wak eup early and bang everything fixed…

over all super inefficient day. no hair cut no gym, did go run !

did think a bit and then treated myself in maybe an unhealthy way idrk i need to stop doing big unhappy breaks and then big sprints, causes my life to be so outta wack… gonna need a big sprint to get into the clear and then i wanna stabalize …

finished:

double-checked 281 + submitted planned out courses a bit more

  • courses.scottylabs.org/schedules/shared?courses=11-492,36-226,15-210,05-318,98-010,85-211 got a 68 on 251 midterm - lfg !

study 251

  • lecture notes

to-do list

what i can do rest of today:

finish 251 pset

review prob

explored : talked to :

journal

good day, feel like i was decently efficient, spent an horu reading manga which wasn’t great also took a nap today - much needed

i uh played tft with matthew for like 2 hrs late into the night caused me to sleep in late, and miss my first two lectures. super duper awk.

finished:

study calc finish calc pset review 281 finished most of 281 written

  • need to double check my work

to-do list

what i can do rest of today:

review prob study 251

  • lecture notes+ recitatoin notes

explored : talked to :

journal

finished:

studied most of prob caught up for 251 - reviewed the last lecture studied most of 281

  • finished online for 281

not doing (prolly…):

prob pset

to-do list

what i can do rest of today:

study calc study 251

  • lecture notes+ recitatoin notes

finish calc pset

explored : maybe more transformers throughout the day talked to :

what i cannot do:

journal

slept at 1 yesterday, felt pr good. felt like i was pr productive and doing work for most of yesterday. just not doing like school work work, tmrw is likely going to be the same with the socratica esque thing goign on so i need to finish a decent amoutn today and tmrw morning…

full transparency : i played three games of tft ah gg the new set is fun as hell tho…

11/17 writing this:

ah i actually rotted all of the remainder of this day away. goes to show how much free time i have. its quite a prblem i think!

ah fk .

full transparency dawg. im just not him

i have to lock in completely today to make up for the weekend…

finished:

looked at courses today… emailed professors to see if i can finesse courses planned for 11/27

explored: by watching jake mike tyson card - lowk pr boring talked to : friend group today

to-do list

study prob do prob pset study 281 study 251

journal

slept on time yesterday, i pressed snooze on my alarm three times this morning, ig i was tired as hell. i might try and hit chest again today instead of legs so i can still go mma club tmrw …

thinking about courses: dont think i wanna take 10701 this sem will leave 315 for next sem?

10-301 - intro ml for non SCS majors

  • need to make sure i can get credit for htis
  • see if i can take this with schedule conflicts with 36-226

11-492 - speech technology for conversational AI

  • need 15210 prereq (will email prof to see if i can coreq it)

11-711 - phd nlp

  • prolly insanely legit

scs electives:

15-330 - computer security

  • prolly pr interesting

15-294 + 15-394

  • make sure these count for extra scs elective…

finished:

study calc (will wait until lecutre hits tmrw to do pset - dont think i understand enough yet)

life todo: did laundry cleaned room!

explored: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yd8yZ55DWbM

talked to (new people / lost connections): faith!

to-do list

study prob study 281 study 251

do prob pset

journal

i ended up not passing out on time yesterday, it was so bad idk waht was the problem. today i woke up late ended up skipping 251 but luckily there was no lecture today for that god bless. went to 281 lecture but didnt absorb anything

finished:

then do given 251 challenge problems then study over hmwrks again

to-do list

study prob

talked to (new people): explored: via watching worldcoin video

journal

finally finished midterm for 251, im so hpapy im free i hate midterm season. goddamn that was grindy will do a quick git push today to load all the jounral entries i think, its boutta get super long.

man im so tired lemmme write up what i have to do for studying tmrw and thenass out.

lemme also plan out couress better so that 2026 fall i also take it easy. i wonder when i will ahve the chance to sutdy abroad…

finished:

studied bayes nets (half)

then do given 251 challenge problems then study over hmwrks again

to-do list

study prob

talked to (new people): explored:

  • watched webflow founder video (talked about juggling startup and kids, about just doing what you love, dont do it for money.)
  • also panicked watched van life to calm me down for 251

journal

finished:

study 251

caught up on 251 caught up on calc3d

to-do list

then do given 251 challenge problems then study over hmwrks again

study bayes nets study prob

talked to (new people): explored:

journal

long day. talked to nobody studied all day. ggs this is so bad.

finished:

finish hw8 online

also relooked at course scheduling briefly ..

explored:

  • van life details for like 2 hrs plus
  • learned about 4x4, awd, 4wd?

read time complexity notes

  • didnt:
    • hit the gym
    • go to sleep early

to-do list

study 251 study bayes nets study prob

cook? laundry!

gym?

talked to (new people): explored:

journal

uh invested some time into van life, i think im still weighing my options behind a small crib vs idk a nicer larger one. the extra mobility is rly nice i think, but i also want the comfort pr badly…

i think i wanna prioritize the comfort more tho … + with larger van i can build out more features… i think i want two sliding doors, and windows maybe all around ? and def a skylight, + fan for ventilation + still adequate room for solar to charge various things.

overall okay day but i need to take better more optimal breaks (not rotting and isntead thinking about van life) and context switch between variou things to remain super optimal, plus i feel like i should be getting more sleep.

finished:

shop for groceries? study prob, finish prob pset

to-do list

gym?

cook? laundry!

study bayes net, finish hw8 online

talked to (new people): jonathan and christian about god and chrsitianity explored:

journal

felt like i worked super fking hard today, got decent talk in too, gonna sleep super late today just to finish everythign but fk it. its midterm season…

omg slept 1 hr later cuz of doomscroll

finished:

finished calc midterm, felt like it was not the worst …

go to 251 review session

spoke with: jeffery explored:

to-do list

study prob, finish prob pset

gym? shop for groceries? cook?

study bayes net, finish hw8 online

journal

spoke with jeffery for a while ! it was good!

I LEARNED THE TRICK TO SLEEPING early !! i just gotta get ready for bed earlier, fully brush teeth, and wash face. that way i can pass out anytime after getting sleepy from studying!

i did not do shit. i did not sleep early. im actually cooked idk what im doing losing motivation hella. i think i need to bring back like a spark or sm .

finished:

  • review for calc midterm (in the morning)
  • bombed 281 midterm …

reconnect / talk with new person: gymming with david wang

explore : sent out email to veronica from variablitylab

  • sent out schedule to andrew begel
  • looked into internet / wifi logistics for van life

to-do list

study calc in 3d study prob

journal

had a good day despite bombing midterm just by hitting gym and talking with david. letss goo !

super tired after gymming, may have went too hard, was left doing a lot of nothign after getting back home…

finished:

  • review for 281 midterm

to-do list

  • review for calc midterm
  • review for 281 midterm study prob

journal

rly slow past couple of days ? liek am i stupid ? ig i dont have stamina like that or what, im so lost

finished:

study 251

to-do list

look at 251 CYU, problems + solve

  • review for 281 midterm
  • review for calc midterm study prob

journal

finished:

to-do list

study 251 - look at 251 CYU, problems + solve

  • review for calc midterm
  • review for 281 midterm study prob

journal

tiring day, felt pr good! not enough shit done thuogh.

finished:

cook

explored: sunday grind sesh, learned more about transformers and about attention.

studied 251 a little bit …

to-do list

study 251 - look at 251 CYU, problems + solve

  • review for calc midterm
  • review for 281 midterm study prob

journal

did like sochratica esque thing i think today, was rly fun. felt like information overload, lotta terms i def didnt understand.

too cringe man. too depressing how mid i am. too cringe man

talking with andrew today, bro im so mid. compared to that guy im pr mid. ah fk, lotta things to do bro. no more wasting time. ive wasted so much time.

man im so mid, im so over it man so over it. im complacent for no reason.

writing genuine thoughts for homie andrew:

basically i realized how compatiable we were only now i think. its like you only know you love her when you let her go type shit but basically now that we not chilling tgt i realized how fking compatiable we were. like simliar mindsets i feel. maybe because both TW? both like poor? idk ? but like def super open minded so it felt like it leaded to lotta intersesting conversations about everything

can def admire the growth mindset you had back then, cuz its something im tryna achieve rn. can def admire the way you are able to maintain connections, lotta things to learn from you which is one of the main reasons i wanna live w you.

basically for the argument of living alone vs living tgt, i think i would have more growth living tgt for sure but that may not necessarily be the same for you. i think if i lived alone i was envisioning a super quiet life. i would maybe be able to borrow the car over the summer so its like live alone, clock in clock out, go mma practice until like 8pm, go home, meal prep / cook, leetcode / do projects, sleep.

in that way its super quiet, super healthy (eat well, sleep well, just keep learning) but i dont think i would grow that much, sure a lot of learning is happenign but like no character growth.

whereas with you i see myself constantly workign hard / playing hard

  • go stanford, meet ppl
  • go parties, meet ppl
  • go other intern events, meet ppl
  • grind projects tgt
  • grind leetcode tgt
  • and just growing myself and most importantly my character and like who i am and the friends i have

overall every day w you i can imagine just doing somethingi genuinely believe in whether thats like after work im doing mma until im passed out exhausted or like after work im grinding leetcode then hitting up a party, meeting cool ppl then going home exhausted. i think i just wanna be exhausted LMAO, but genuinely just grinding and working super hard and playing super hard and ill be pr happy with that, and i think if thats our goal we can do it bro !

so like i think end of the day its a choice between peace vs growth, if i live alone theres peace, but if i live tgt with you its growth. and i was planning on heavily considering peace, but then you msg’ed and you were like “we gotta lock in” and then its liek hella inspirational to me cuz i was rdy to tap out, (not acutally but like try the super peaceful life and see how that goes) but then i see you are still going full gas and well fk. its like a wake up call i need to do that too .

you wrote cons section so ima write one too of any i can think of wrt. us living tgt:

  • i think there have been moments we were certianly on edge against each other.
    • i think largely that was my fault and i was being toxic
      • but i believe ive changed / am tryna get better at that so if you can believe that then i think we will be ok
      • and we are both tryna be open minded as hell so i think it shuold be alr!
  • i think we can acutally echo chamber
    • which can be a good and bad thing, like we have the potential to echo chamber each other is good and bad ways.
  • i think its importnat to maintain autonomy,
    • i think if we do stay together with the same goals we have a tendency to want to do the same shit always, which is fine but i do have to maintain autonomy i think

finished:

finish calc pset 7 finish most of calc pset 8

did and fold laundry

explored:

buy items - shaker, rice, panniers, fruit fly trap

finish 281 coding

to-do list

study 251 - look at 251 problems + solve

lastly do: study prob

cook

future:

  • apply:
    • (for all 1st year 2nd year internships…)
      • write a cover letter

journal

pr effective day today, felt like i did enough and then i stayed up till 5, reading manga. lowk so troll. i coulda studied like for like 4-5 extra hours. i think its a representation of a hard cap i have on the amt of work i have to do. either that or i feel too free…

its a problem.

writign othis on the day after. need to htink of genuine ways to balance life ebtter sot hat i dont end up sitting in bed roting before i m sleeping staring at my phone. that has to happen less.

finished:

finish most of 251 writeups for this class today finish 251 CYU

explored:

  • learned about minjune’s cmu block market
  • learned about blitzscaling

to-do list

for prob

  • go over all lecture checkpoints
  • go over hmwrks 4-6 briefly
  • then go over answers for the prac test…

written (281) finish ai soc essay study calc in 3d ( during reci)

future:

  • apply:
    • (for all 1st year 2nd year internships…)
      • write a cover letter

journal

writing a bit in the morning, tired as hell but hopefully i can still make today work.

tired is not viable, never gonna do this agian, getting good sleep from now on - waking up early as well. ah fk .

today was so miserable.

only 8pm rn tho maybe still recoverable.

gotta relight the passion, heart is in the work type shit!

10 pm 2 hrs passed not much progress

finished:

lecture notes (281) reci section (281) 281 online worked on 281 written for a bit

finish 251 question 1 essay

explored:

  • passion for gaming ?
    • watched T1 gen g?

to-do list

want to finish most of 251 writeups for this class today finish 251 CYU + 251 check

written (281)

finish ai soc essay

study calc in 3d ( during reci)

for prob

future:

  • apply:
    • (for all 1st year 2nd year internships…)
      • write a cover letter

journal

writing a bit in the morning, tired as hell but hopefully i can still make today work.

tired is not viable, never gonna do this agian, getting good sleep from now on - waking up early as well. ah fk .

today was so miserable.

only 8pm rn tho maybe still recoverable.

gotta relight the passion, heart is in the work type shit!

10 pm 2 hrs passed not much progress

finished:

finish readings for 251 (did most of readings yst) finished most of the intutions for all the questions

to-do list

finish most of 251 questions want to finish most of the writeups for this class today

finish studying for ai rep finish ai rep onilne + written

finish ai soc essay

explore

for prob

future:

  • apply:
    • (for all 1st year 2nd year internships…)
      • write a cover letter

journal

writing a bit in the morning, tired as hell but hopefully i can still make today work.

tired is not viable, never gonna do this agian, getting good sleep from now on - waking up early as well. ah fk .

today was so miserable.

only 8pm rn tho maybe still recoverable.

gotta relight the passion, heart is in the work type shit!

10 pm 2 hrs passed not much progress

finished:

maybe i just wasn’t able to do anything today . how sad, i was legit workign all day…

explored: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uU6mY2233lo nick dialosio video

to-do list

finish studying for ai rep finish ai rep onilne + written

finish readings for 251

finish ai soc essay

explore

for prob

future:

  • apply:
    • (for all 1st year 2nd year internships…)
      • write a cover letter

journal

writing a bit in the morning, tired as hell but hopefully i can still make today work.

tired is not viable, never gonna do this agian, getting good sleep from now on - waking up early as well. ah fk .

today was so miserable.

only 8pm rn tho maybe still recoverable.

gotta relight the passion, heart is in the work type shit!

10 pm 2 hrs passed not much progress

finished:

explored:

to-do list

future:

  • apply:
    • (for all 1st year 2nd year internships…)
      • write a cover letter

journal

writing a bit in the morning, hoping for a good grind day…

i just realized something i think i wanted to note down tho. i think i have a strong desire to try out the different varieties of america’s fast foods. not like its a criteria for being american, just somethign i think i didnt have the chance to try as a kid. no money no food no agency. so its somethign that i think ive wanted for a while.

maybe when i go vanlifeing across the US, ill hit all the fastfoods and try them at least once. i think taco bell was quite yummy i wanna try them more ! kinda expensive tho !

pr out of it for the whole day, wasnt able to get much rly rly productive work done, felt like i coulda got what i did yst done in like half a day instead of the entire day…

finished:

  • life

    • laundry unfolding

  • look into (explore):

    • SAAS video with 500 mrr (learned that social media op)
    • talked with justin and minjune a lot - potentially life changing

  • caught up with calc in 3d

  • studying prob, taking quite a while

to-do list

future:

  • apply:
    • (for all 1st year 2nd year internships…)
      • write a cover letter

journal

gotta quickly write down thoughts after today.

important notes:

  • say do ratio
  • hard work gives unproportional amounts of hard work
  • explore to see what i like doing …

    • do what i believe in .

    • get hands on and get them dirty.

        	**this :**
      • dont be scared, dont be lazy

finished:

check lost and found

  • listed it in cs found emaililng list

prob lecture checkpoint

  • explore:
    • read more about globilization for ~15 min while exhausted
    • learned about DRIP and DCA more
  • life
    • groceries
    • cook

to-do list

future:

  • apply:
    • (for all 1st year 2nd year internships…)
      • write a cover letter

journal

tired as hell in the morning, barely able to get anything out of classes in the morning.

highly inefficient, dont wanna stay up that late anymore at all.

i want to start waking up at 7 am each day if possible, we shall see if that works out

goofy ass story wrt. to groceries today, gained a lot from it i think.

writing from oct 25: rly bad day, slept late and didnt adhere to my principles, it was a bit warm in my room making ithard to slepe. i just didnt sleep. ah fk its so bad. i need to wake up early and go to sleep exhausted. i imagine if i kept studying i would have got in like 3 hrs of good studying before passing out.

  • made the start to 10/25

finished:

  • assignments:

    • 281 programming 3

  • writing up 251 written notes

  • finished 251 writing sesh

  • explored via reading about globilizatoin in the early world,

to-do list

  • study prob

    • maybe finish pset?

  • study calc in 3d

  • study + review

  • laundry unfolding briefly?

  • groceries today?

  • cook tmrw?

  • look into:

  • apply:

    • (for all 1st year 2nd year internships…)
      • write a cover letter

future:

journal

slow start to the day . wonder how i can optimize that to be faster?

had good talk with friends, both here and from at home.

finished:

  • assignments:

    • 281 online

  • 251 solo problem intuitions - confirmed correctness

    • wrote up proper solutions

  • laundry

  • assignments:

    • 281 programming 3 (8 points away from max score)

  • explored:

    • read like 4 pages of DL book

  • did lecture quiz

failed / not doing:

to-do list

  • assignments:

    • 281 programming 3

  • look into:

  • apply:

    • (for all 1st year 2nd year internships…)
      • write a cover letter

  • study prob…

future:

journal

tired as hell today, gonna hit the gym later and fix my sleep schedule fs

legit beast moded today, today was pr good, did decent decent effort on 6 hrs of sleep, eyes hurt rly bad rn …

still tired as hell, finishing writing this up at 11 pm, still need to explore today and i have to write up 251 closing today out with:

  • explore
    • do this by staring at deep learning book for 15 min.
    • my eyes hurt like hell anyways so its a good break.
  • writing up 251 written notes
    • maybe…
  • laundry unfolding briefly?
  • brush teeth
  • sleep

finished:

  • explored:
    • via mina huh talk about AI assisted creation for BLV individuals
  • study:
    • 281 (partially, need to finish MDP policy iteration, RL later…)
  • assignments:\
    • 281 programming 3 (did first three questions)

failed / not doing:

to-do list

  • 251 solo problem intuitions … need to confirm correctness

  • assignments:\

    • 281 programming 3

  • look into:

  • apply:

    • (for all 1st year 2nd year internships…)
      • write a cover letter

  • study leetcode

future:

journal

back at school, doing normal school days. feels familiar …

super tiring, need to eat better, sleep better

had rly good talk with andrew…

finished:

  • 251 solo problem intuitions … need to think more to confirm correctness

  • investing (at least in setting up recurring investments in schwab voo, vti, and qqqm equivalent mutual funds)

  • study:

    • 281 (partially, need to finish last three course notes )

  • explored:

    • SAAS video
    • EO perplexity founder video

failed / not doing:

to-do list

  • assignments:\

    • 281 programming 3

  • look into:

    • cursor AI video
    • transformers
      • rewatching 3blu1brown NN series

  • apply:

    • (for all 1st year 2nd year internships…)
      • write a cover letter

  • study leetcode

future:

journal

last day of break ! lock in grind time !

finished:

  • study:

    • 251 (fully)

  • explored via biking !

  • assignments:\

    • 251 CYU’s

failed / not doing:

to-do list

  • study:

    • 281

  • look into:

    • transformers
      • rewatching 3blu1brown NN series

  • apply:

    • (for all 1st year 2nd year internships…)
      • write a cover letter

  • study leetcode

  • assignments:\

    • 281 programming 3
    • 251 CYU + 2 solo problems

  • invest

future:

journal

good day today. did my exploring by riding my bike. not sure if i can muster it within me to read the DL book but i will try to do so later tn.

finished:

  • study:
    • 251 (partially, need to review tmrw)
  • life to-do:
    • clean airpods

failed / not doing:

to-do list

  • study:

    • 281

  • look into:

    • transformers
      • rewatching 3blu1brown NN series

  • apply :

  • study leetcode

  • assignments:\

    • 281 programming 3
    • 251 CYU + 2 solo problems

  • invest

future:

journal

talked a lot with anthony, ate out today! today was super good, super fun ! wrote exploration on webpage, it takes the place of this journal entry as i feel its pr important

finished:

  • assignments:\
    • (mostly finished) prob hw6
  • life to-do:
    • cooked
  • looked into:
    • kwant.ai ?
    • agentic ai
    • RAG
  • applied :
    • waymo
  • invest

failed / not doing:

(found there wasn’t really a use case)

  • project work on:
    • look into wikipedia api ?
    • gpt3 api?
    • use pseudo rag techniques?

to-do list

  • study:

    • 251
    • 281

  • look into:

    • transformers
      • rewatching 3blu1brown NN series

  • apply :

  • study leetcode

  • life to-do:

    • do one of :

      • clean airpods

  • assignments:\

    • 251 CYU + 2 solo problems
    • 281 programming 3

future:

journal

panicking hard, keeping the grind up !

finished:

  • applied :

    • citadel

  • missed :

    • uberstar

  • purchased:

    • bike lock

  • life to-do:

    • unfold / take out my winter clothing

  • researched :

    • stock portfolio, ready to buy whenever

  • studied:

    • prob (still shaky need to finish pset to be confident)

  • assignments:

    • lecture checkpoint 19

to-do list

  • study:

    • 251
    • 281
    • prob

  • look into:

    • agentic AI
    • RAG
    • transformers
      • rewatching 3blu1brown NN series
    • kwant.ai ?

  • apply :

  • project work on:

    • look into wikipedia api ?
    • gpt3 api?
    • use pseudo rag techniques?

  • study leetcode

  • life to-do:

    • do one of :

      • clean airpods

      • cook

  • assignments:\

    • lecture checkpoint 19
    • prob hw6
    • 251 CYU + 2 solo problems
    • 281 programming 3
    • 281 hw 6

future:

  • invest:
    • can do on 10/21 ish ? (research that my funds transferred correct)

journal

did some work in the nigth till 2 and then slept to wake up and work again

unpacked winter clothes till 3, plannign to sleep till 11, woke up at 12…

finished:

  • failed:

    • bloomberg application closed
    • dont need credit card asofnow…

  • apply :

    • explore atlanta locaiton
    • tiktok SWE + ML

  • cleaned:

    • the dishes
    • got my bike

  • popped:

    • a tire
    • zero pills

  • bought:

    • a bike

to-do list

  • study:

    • 251
    • 281
    • prob

  • look into:

    • agentic AI
    • RAG
    • transformers
      • rewatching 3blu1brown NN series
    • kwant.ai ?

  • apply :

  • project work on:

    • look into wikipedia api ?
    • gpt3 api?
    • use pseudo rag techniques?

  • study leetcode

  • life to-do:

    • do one of :
      • unfold / take out my winter clothing
      • clean airpods

  • assignments:\

    • prob hw6
    • lecture checkpoint 19
    • 251 CYU + 2 solo problems
    • 281 programming 3
    • 281 hw 6

future:

  • invest:
    • can do on 10/21 ish ? (research that my funds transferred correct)

journal

did vv little work yst. wish there was less of the list from yesterday but there was so much i just copy and pasted the same doc and moved on.

im gonna fking clear this list today tho .

thats a promise dawg.

if i need to stay up and not sleep. if thats what it takes then i dont sleep. alr way behind track on my timeline.

finished:

  • studying
    • calc

to-do list

(pretty heavy school focus as of right now, gonna try and knock this outta the way before working on other shit…)

still wanna do other shit ofc too tho … (leetcode + transformer learning + work maybe 1-2 hrs on wikipedia api and gpt integration idea!)

  • study:

    • 251
    • 281
    • prob

  • look into:

    • agentic AI
    • RAG
    • transformers
    • kwant.ai ?

  • apply :

    • tiktok ?
    • bloomberg?

  • project work on:

    • look into wikipedia api ?
    • gpt3 api?
    • use pseudo rag techniques?

  • study leetcode

  • life to-do:

tmrw work on assignments / more review idk !

journal

maybe got the site up ? not sure will know after this update!

woke up pr late today, was pr slow to get to work. still typing this out mid-day but hopefully i can get to work later

also starting to use this as a a todo list at least for the break so it doesnt clutter my other to do list

worked on website for maybe 1 hr ish

today good overall, pr tired, minimal time waste i feel. finished resume.

overall feeling pr good about everything. i wanna meet more ppl tho, will try to finesse it tmrw!

finally doing a journal on time, today was good insanely tiring but i managed to stay all day on campus. maybe i was so tired bcz i didnt have dinner until much later.

hit the gym and had a big din din. need to pick up groceries and do laundry but planning for that to be done over the weekend.

also worked on my resume a little bit today, feels good. im liking how its turning out. tmrw it should be sufficiently done.

gonna be able to sleep for nine hours tonight which im very excited about tmrw will be super hard as well with many consecutive classes, so gotta make sure i have enough sleep

today just felt hard cuz i had to stay on campus from 9 to 8 essentially. almost a 9 to 9 …

just like work fr !

decent day today, met with a lot of friends, attended a reci that wasnt being held but otherwise was pretty smooth . i i also tried to reheat some food and idk if it worked but like i dont think so … all g tho .

did work on the 281 codign assignment a little bit. things are gonna get really hard really quickyl i imagine. might be worth reviewing integration tools, might be worth reviewing clive book.

again need to work on the sleep stuff, might want to set bedtime to 10 pm so i can actually wake up at normal times. will try to eat at 8 and then look to do some cooldown, as well a journal tmrw.

note that these prev school days were incredibly light.

will hit the gym again tmrw

late journal entry coming in, sitting in ai gen ed ethics class rn

this day felt pr good. did all my work, there wasnt that much work to be done on the first day, but i finished all of it so it felt pr good.

the sole and only problem was how late i slept and how negatively that can affect the next day. gonna start gymming grind to try and mitigate that remaining awakeness as much as possible. will probably need to cook soon as well. will also need to think about not napping too much even when exhausted. also looking to wake up wayy earlier at like 7, so i can take care for breakfast, or just get to campus earlier.

also looking for meal blocks. if theres anyone reading this believing in feeding the hungry, reach out to me !

fixed up website stuff a little i hope ? will send out a push in a moment. slow morning today. maybe will head into campus later.

also looking into streamlining journal entries.

have a lot on my todo list i want to take a look at. last day before classes.

met with friends today, all seems well. im looking forward to this year tbh, its gonna be really fun.

small entry before sleeping, if i can do that everyday will prolly be good for my mental.

spent my last day with parents, time to adult it up myself ykwim

cooked a little with father today, lotta food in the fridge, hopefully i got the skills to pay the bills and keep myself fed. did hella dishes today. felt like i was overall pr productive.

good stuff i feel .

looked over classes stuff a little, looks to be pr scary and pr exciting at the same time.

gotta lock in . i wanna be out more too tbh, meet more ppl.

got to meet the homie chloe today, that was pr fun!

note journal entries, with the day before, may have gotten mixed up. This means that I’m not how these are technically ordered, but all happened within the summer.

i think im getting into good schedule. not sure tho. i think the tech is to cool down with skincare -> couple chess games -> journal -> reading -> sleep thats a lotta cooldown tho. had hella trouble sleeping yesterday so i wanna get more tired these days so it comes easier. but i imagine if i do more physical shit and get exhausted the cooldown routine is gonna get cooked. we’ll see how long i can manage it.

realized above all else i need bike so i can get to exploring even when others are working !

had a chance to do the cooldown routine today. overall good day tho nothing much happened

got to thinking about what i believe. i think as long as I remain convinced and no one can convince me otherwise, ill have good ideology. and as long as my ideologies remain true when compared against each and every other ideology, ill have reached transcendence or sm like that.

did some more research for AI within autism and that got me pretty excited about the potential.

gonna keep on thinking and play some more chess games to cool down. maybe do a leetcode. before i sleep. hit the wordle and connections for today. gonna go bike tomorrow and weigh my options on which gym i end up choosing.

been a couple of days since the last journal entry.

ive been experimenting with schedules and i think i will try to maintain energy levels a bit better so that im not instantly exhausted the moment i come home. - so i can journal more

very good day, finally reaching what i might call happiness - really happy to find that there might still be hope for me to like at least be happy in corporate, thats good to think about! like i still have smth and i still have options to explore. might be pr satisfied doing this for a couple of years, will have a lot of time to grind evertyhign else

had a really great deep talk with the rooomie today about time vs energy management and also how to think about conversations and just being natural and shit. it was really good!

first deep talk with the roomie and im glad its happening so early

talked about how if we viewed the day with like two lenses where one was

  1. did some work in the morning but it was pr minimal, wasn’t able to get much work done later tonight
    1. = depressed
  2. did some work in the morning but it was pr minimal, my energy was drained asf, hung out with friends later and was able to recharge all my energy was it was overall very good!
    1. =happy + good day

and so i realized just how inherently immature my get shit done mindset was in terms of sabotaging my own happiness AND my own productivity.

holy shit i had to read so many self help books to get that…

also thought about how im free from my fear of spending money. its the kind of generational trauma i definitely inherited which i was scared to fking death of getting but i kind of had no choice of getting it, from seeing how my parents grew up and the principles that they instilled in me.

like for example ill be unhappy not eating something nice, but ill be even more unhappy spending money to eat something nice, and thus ill stop myself from recieving ANYTHIGN nice for the sake of “saving” money. i was really scared of getting this one cuz i saw how toxic it was from seeing my parents and how they are also struggling with this, but i def also got it from how i act now.

kind of shit and resutling in my overall unhappiness

i realize now that i have so much self sabotaging like ways of making sure im unhappy, i think part of this is because i inherently believe that being happy is to be selfish ykwim like if you have enough time to be happy go be useful and do some good in the world…

but like i need to inherently understand that as im happy i can be able to do so much more and so much more good with the additional energy that I have…

so much ive learned from self help books!

also milen texted me today with made me really happy!

overall a lot of happiness!! beginning of school year type levels of happiness !!

-shit is easy and no stress so far… i wonder how things will progress as we move along…

overall rn things are pr great tho!

beginning of the summer journal the site is back up took a second to figure out why my url was down

planning to introspect a lot more thru the journal thruout the summer hoping to get a journal entry in at least 5 times out of the 7 days of the week, might not post all of them.

fixed a bit of the website up today will try to get local host to work on laptop as well

will meet with manager tmrw

had a rly intersting talk with father last night idk i dont think i can approve the way he lives !

i deserve only what i work for

need to journal tonight - lots of thoughts going thru my head. ive been blurry hazy and just plain burnt out for the past little bit. all for things i realize are prolly inconsequential. grinding classes away, the wicker of my soul burning ever lower and lower weaker and weaker for what

a fkign grade ??

what is wrong with me bro … i need to lock in focus on the things that matter to me. need more time to hang out with friends. need to allocate more me time. as much as i want to believe im a machine im not bro.

finally soted out my inner thoughts and now im more convinced that im actually a good person. it seems this is somethign quite important to me acutatlly now tha ti think about it. it was disturbing me how much i was scared i might actually not be a good person.

i realized its just a matter of context. how much ppl know about me dictates how they wanna judge me. and well thats chill too makes sense honestly. its on me how much i share anyways right so rly its like .. on me.

yeah whatever

finally clear head these days. time to lock in especially hard. think ill try tmrw and see my mental state after!

better day today, things look like they’;re on the up and up. i ahve two late assignments so i gotta lock in and do them tmrw. tmrw is a full lock in day. today was better tmrw has to be even even better

things are managing, stuff is getting done.

looks like i will survive after all LMFAO !

i think i can last until 28, i think i can make it !

rly rly tough day today

these days come .

i was wondering today if i break down too easy. if its somethign that i do too much. why im so emotional at the end of the day and other ppl can tank this shit. and deal with it like nothing evenhappened.

idk bro .

maybe it comes from the way i was raised. and when you deal with that much bs then you sorta jsut take the L on that day. cry your heart out . and then move on the next day.

liek surely im this way because ive been trained up to be this way right. and if ive been trained up to this point then it has to work for somethign right. so it has to be right tech ? surely .

nah i wonder why this happens . ive gotten bitch bitched like 3 times here alr. idk if thats a low number or a high numebr but i feel liek thats kidna frequent.

maybe its that i cant brush it off like how i see others do. so i have to take the L and cry to like try and allieviate the difference bteween us. liek maybe if i dont break down ill just get cooked omega. liek i just have a debuff idk .

its tough tho. i needed to start this lab earlier. i already knew i cant code well. if i knew that i shoulda started earlier to at least lvel the playign field . this is just me takign the L for my sins. its okay i learned my lesson.

also think i may be burning out but i cant tell yet

we’ll see how things progress.

not sure why i dont have a journal entry for yesterday, guess i was too busy. This entire week back from the break ive been pretty locked in. tryna burn myself as far as i can go. see how brightly i can shine type shit. idk. today has been the same

i worked pretty ok-ish hard throughout the day. woke up 20 min late but thats ok. still working on it. tried my best thru lab and thru the rest of the day. felt like i was completing most of the shit off my checklist. still have all of malloc to go through but its alright ill jsut do my best tomorrow - all of tomorrow i think i will spend on malloc . we’ll see how burnt out i get !

i got a little mad at samee and milen today which i regret. its def mb cuz theyve been thru a lot of shit today and i shouldnt be getting mad just cuz … welp its whatever. its def a little bit all of our fault but i feel bad so ill apologize tmrw!!

i was feeling down tn cuz i think the grind was getting to me a little bit. jsut the whole day and still the stress of more to do. but near the end of today i was talkign to anthony for a rly good bit so it was quite mentally relieving!! that was a definite up of the day !

also i got my contract today finally which im quite excited for. we’ll see exaclty how much money ill have to pay in tax tmrw morning!

ok, off till the next one (which could be tmrw or the week after LMFAO)

worked on 151 all day, got a good amount of work in and got a lot of intuitions so thats good. talked with nav for a bit. i think i need to min max it for a bit more. burn myself out to my very core, survive until malloc lab is done.

last day of break, did some good-ish work on CPS, but honestly not completely fulfilled, thats ok tho gonna lock in tmrw and finish the majority of it, or at least get enough insights into finishing everything

pretty much just worked the whole day. had fun hangout with friends near the end of the day but ig it just feels still unfulfilling when we afk and do nothing. might be a toxic trait i have that i want every moment to be 100 but thats never going to be possible.

all g

finally the break is over, i cant wait to finally feel the fear of god himself looming over me, his watchful eye keeping me on track as i finally get all the shit i need done done. itll be good to finally feel the pressure again

i realized i just cant work during the break, and i feel that because of that i dislike myself slightly more. yeah i just hate who i am during the break. ig its just cuz i cant get anything done, cuz i cant lock in, not even for like lack of effort but i just dont feel the fear so like i cant actually get it done. idk

gonna start journalling more frequently cuz things are picking up - better document these days to make sure i feel like im moving forward, or at least figure out if im not.

updated journal entries rl quick, updated NOW page as well, updated timeline as well into the website, realized my dumbass has no shot at making a CV I’ve legit got no experience wtf am I thinking man

ate, got food with dan and tiffany again, skipped the workout cuz im a busy piece of shit, stared at housing for a good 2 hrs and got hella panicked

tried to get the monitor producing sound and legit prolly wasted a good hour or two. wtf. why am i doing dumbass sidequests.

planning on cleaning the keyboard, doing laundry, and also studying CPS tonight, also making late night snack

agenda :

complete lock in day today, finished cachelab finally, meant to read teh writeup for malloc and read some 15150, but didnt have a chance to. fell the fk asleep before i actually could. had a really wholesome conversation w Dan and Tiffany about their relationsships which was good. college rly does sm to ppl to make ppl fall in love which is def a good thing. also talked with the ppl on our floor for a bit which was great as well!

remaining agenda from previous days:

  • cachelab lecture review
  • work on the website
    • CV
    • Timeline tab

figured out more housing shit today, ordered grip trainers, did transcript shit for scholarship, grinded league of legends, finally hit plat so i can stop playing that shitty game, ggs done with league for a bit now

actually been tired as fk all day today its rly strange. I think i will fall asleep instantly which has been rare on days I dont work out. supposed to lock in today but didnt.

its okay tho, tmrw i lock in completely. itll be alright. have to go to OH tmrw as well.

remaining agenda from yesterday:

  • transcript request
  • cachelab lecture review
  • work on the website
    • CV
    • Timeline tab

did some research last night into LLM’s, might not be possible to implement what I’m thinking of within these seven days while needing to do everything else… we’ll see what happpens…

break need to dos: 150?, 241 study, 213 grind, grind plat, rest well, LLM tech?

kinda cooked yesterday, completely locked in and debugged the shit out of csim.c !! finished midterm as well prolly got an 85ish or 90 which is not the worst as well. overall very good dance. plus i learned a fun tiktok dance!! overall very good start to the break. lets hope it remains as smooth sailling !

as for today ---

woke up on the dot, did laundry, organized a lil, hit the gym - great chest day, went grocery shopping, got milk, ate food, played a game of league, hit gold 3,

cut my nails, shave, folded laundry,

todays remaining agenda: read the cachelab lecture, want to work on website a bit more -cv, timeline,

  • need to request transcript as well for amzn

break need to dos: 150?, 241 study, 213 grind, LLM / tokenization tech, grind plat, rest well

doomed. didnt even get distracted that much and still pr slow. yikes. it ok tho lock in tmrw !

vv weird day as well, took a nap for 1hr 30 but i did three reps for 30 min so im sure the sleep quality was not even that good. did laundry and washed blankies so thats good, did a little work on 213 lab, realized i have no time, came to some good realizations today. gonna get 9 hrs of sleep everyday. I have enough time to afford it so i should rly be doing it. like wtf am i doing not getting sleep am i fking braindead ?? it ok tho, time to focus up. i have bigger plans than to waste time freshman year fr fr

slept for an hour 30, didnt feel like i wasted too much time today, still felt pr slow regardless tho. its okay tmrw will be better ! didnt gym today, today was rest day, tmrw will be push day 2. made breakfast ! it was pretty great!

mid day overall, pr much just finished CGA, went to the gym at least so theres mental copium there. prolly wasted 4-5 hrs today theres a lot to be done in terms of efficiency

woke up late, did nothing till like 6 ish which felt rly awful. I really need to get good sleep to operate like a real human being. took a nap, felt like a real human being after that, finished 150, went to the gym, started CGA and will prolly try to finish tonight, had really fulfilling hangout with friends so that was good!

gonna go to sleep and lock in tmrw !

i feel like im taking my weekends way less srsly than I am last sem and that feels kinda off. idk why that is or if its actually true!

got 6 hrs of sleep, went to gym, capg, protein, worked on website, finished it for the most part, just need to finish CV + timeline, finished attacklab, dropped matrices hmwrk

mid day today, good deep talk sesh with friends. Took a while working on attack lab. That lab is so unfun. Otherwise overall mid.

ah weird ass day fr fr

yk that feeling of like locking the fk in for a test, and grinding your ass off? yeah thats what i did for this 150 midterm. prolly like 10 hrs of straight locked in grind. like pure panic study type beat.

and then what . i pull up and the test is that fking easy ? its like sm just spat in my mouth . disgusting feeling bro. I worked my whole life for a fight and the opponent just chooses to get knocked out first round.

welp at least it was easy tho !

last two entries didnt go in, too busy grinding. its ok tho.

this weekend i have so much shit to do. its ok tho! no biggie. I’ve put in work before.

if i have a chance ill prolly try to get the website nice and fresh i think.

slow day today. was planning on gettting a lot more of attack lab done today but thats ok. think ill spend all day tmrw on 150. took a 3 hr long ish nap today accidentally and i need to stop doing that if i wanna focus up. gotta lock in for this next week.

think im gonna need to take a late day for attack lab, gonna need to use a hmwrk drop for this weeks 241 but thats ok.

gotta lock in.

day2

1st journal post!! kinda exciting no cap! today was pretty mid. tough gym sesh, felt like the weights weren’t moving but that’s ok. happens. spent the rest of the day figuring out how to clone and host a website. took 5 hrs ish. coulda been done faster but thats ok. it was pretty fufilling so thats good.

Need to get some actual work done tmrw.

hopefully it’ll be written in this journal that its gotten done. ig this is just something that can keep me on track!

Gonna be writing these journal entries daily so i can look back on what ive done and feel the progress more concretely. Also for mental copium so I don’t actually lose it.

day 1, freshman, second semester, in midterm week